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Wednesday, August 30, 2006

I hear ya baby...

You know why you keep comin' back for more; obscurity redefined. If you don't love this shit you're not right in the head! Sing along with the english words to the japanese version. Yes, 7, this is for you.

Hey Daddy, guess what I figured out how to do with my shirt

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"Ok, daddy, I know. I have a lot of time on my hands."

Friday, August 25, 2006

Can you read this?

Olny srmat poelpe can raed tihs.

cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The
phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy,

it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.

Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

My computer is now mostly dead.

Bill Gates has killed my computer. Well, mostly dead, anyway.
There is a file called C:windows/system32/config/system that if windows is updating and decides to goof off on the job will entirely screw your registry.
So any program installed on your entire system, including windows itself, is no longer installed.
You know when spybot is fixing your computer how it makes a backup or restore point so that if it screws up you can revert back to it? Well this is the file it is talking about. Except that windows apparently does NOT back it up while it is altering it.
So the long and short of it is that my computer reverted to paperweight status.

Ok, so being from Texas, the real question is not why Bill Gates is such an idiot or why windows got to be so popular to begin with even though it has a self destructing registry update. The real question is What do I have to do to fix my computer?

So I took out the C and D drives and switched the master/slave roles on them. Then I could safely install windows on the old D drive, which is now the C, reinstall ALL OF THE DRIVERS and then transfer my pics, files, music, movies, favorites, links, games, business ideas, and everything else to it without danger of frying.

But then when I was installing windows on the new drive I got the message "you have exceeded your limit of the number of times you can install this program without having to bend over again"

So I called up the toll free number that you call when you want to talk to bill gates, and I kid you not, I got a recording asking me to input the 48 digit error code that it gave me. So I go to type them in, and NOPE, SORRY, it wants me to SAY THEM. Now that works fine in a computer lab under controlled testing, but in my house, there are children. Try saying anything in my house without getting interrupted.
So after an ungodly amount of time saying numbers into my phone (You are using all my cell phone minutes, Mr. Gates!) It finally gets my number right, and then tells me to please hold. And transfers me to India.

"Please to tell me the 48 digit error code listed on your computer"
"No, I want to talk to bill gates."
"Currently he is not here. Please to tell me the 48 digit error code listed on your computer."
"Well do you have a number I can reach him at?"
"He do not come here. I am currently located in India. Please to tell me the 48 digit error code listed on your computer."
"Ok, it's 486123764891586718252677263701900018623757268421"
"Yes, ok, the first digit, it is a 4, right?"
"yes, a 4"
"Yes, ok, 4. And what is the second digit?"
"Oh you gotta be kidding me! Look, just let me talk to Bill, ok?"
"Bill currently is not here. Please to tell me the second digit of the 48 digit error code listed on your computer."
"Is there anyone around you who is white? Or at the very least who speaks English?"
"I am currently a very good English speaker. Please to tell me the second digit......"

So after a very, very long time, this nameless, faceless, evil Indian person inputs a 48 digit error code. And then it came down to the part that separates the men from the boys. This evil person says to me:

"Please to click on the button that says 'change ID'"
"Now I will give you a new ID number to input to let you access the program. It is 48 digits long. Now the first digit, it is a 9"

I really hate Bill Gates.
I hope he falls into a pit full of Indian number readers and they suck up all his cell phone minutes.

Thursday, August 10, 2006

Meerkat pic

I promised someone a picture of a meerkat from my recent trip to the Houston zoo.
So here it is.

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A presidential interview

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W: Thank you, Larry. Like I was sayin', with this whole war thing. You see, they hate our freedom. They hate it that we are tryin' to make them free.

OReilly: I'm not Larry.

W: Right. I knew that. I was just havin' some fun with ya.

OReilly: So you are saying that we are at war because of our freedom? I just don't see how that's Constitutional.

W: It's not just our freedom. It's the freedom of the Iraqi people. We are at war to give them freedom. That's in the Constitution, ya know. I think the first president of the United States put that in there. Ya know, he was named George W. too. That's a pretty popular name with us presidents.

OReilly: Are you saying that going to war to give another country freedom, whether they ask us to or not is in the Constitution? I'm going to have to go ahead and call bullshit there, George.

W: Now don't you go callin' bullshit on me there, Larry. That's unamerican. You know I'm the president, don't you. But I can tell you exactly where it is in the Constitution.

OReilly: I'm not Larry. I'm Bill.

W: You already said that. I wish't you wouldn't go repeatin' that every couple minutes.

OReilly: So are you going to tell me where in the Costitution it says that we can go to war to give another country freedom?

W: Oh, right. It's right there after the part about under God.

OReilly: It doesn't say "under God" in the Constitution. That's in the Pledge of Allegiance.

W: Well that's part of the Constitution. It's all in there together. It says, "One nation, under God. Indivisible. With liberty and justice for oil."

OReilly: It says "liberty and justice for all"

W: That's what I said. "Liberty and justice for oil."

OReilly: ALL. Do you hear me? ALL. Not OIL.

W: That's what I said. I said Oil.

OReilly: You see, it's that Texas accent. It's All. A...L...L All. Not oil.

W: You gotta be kiddin' me. I'm pretty sure it says oil. You know I have a perty good college education. I'm pretty famous for bein' able to get the word right when I talk. You know they even got whole websites that are only about when I use the words that other people wouldn't think of using.

OReilly: Yes. I've heard of your reputation for choosing words.

W: So like I was sayin' there, Larry, we give them liberty and justice. They give us oil. It's in the Constitution.

OReilly: Ok then. We'll be back after this commercial break....

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Kids. Gotta love 'em.

Everyone was getting ready for bed. The kids were off doing the "put your dishes in the sink, pick up your toys, brush your teeth, get dressed for bed" thing. I was in my bedroom putting some things up and getting ready to go to bed myself.
Suddenly two children come marching into my room, each with a fist up in the air, and they are chanting...
"An-gry mob...An-gry mob...An-gry mob..."
They make a circle through my bedroom and then right back out of the room.
Nothing more was ever said of it.

Daughter: What are you going to do today, daddy?
Me: I'm going to take over the whole world.
Daughter: You don't have super powers.

I was on the phone with my mother, talking about my daughter.
Me: Ambre told me she didn't see me in my bedroom, and the car was still in the driveway. "And that's how I know'd you were out here playing pool."
Daughter: Daddy, stop telling all my secrets.

I was laying on the bed on my stomach, with my head turned to the right.
My daughter came in and climbed onto my back and layed down so that her head was off to the side with her face right in my face. So I turned my head the other way.
So she moved over to the left, and again here face was right in my face. So I turned back to the right.
So she put her hand on my head and pushed downwards to prevent me from turning my head and then moved so her face was again right in my face. So I made a show of trying to move my head, but couldn't because her hand was still pushing down.
"That's cheating," I said.
"No, Daddy," she said. "That's called winning."

Thursday, August 03, 2006

Odds and Ends

So much goes on around here, it's hard to keep up with it all.
For one thing, my dog likes sardines.

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She's a good dog. She's half lab, half poodle. They call it a labradoodle

But apparently she's more lab than doodle. She's very good with the kids. She likes to play fetch. She's a good watch dog. And she likes sardines.

Otherwise, I found a cool new electric wheelchair on Craigslist.
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That was a good find. I gave it to someone who needed it. It'll go to good use.

Also, I went and looked at some land for sale.
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18 Acres for 29,000. That's a pretty good price.
Apparently someone else thought so, too, because before I could get back home and call, there was already a contract on it. That's ok. I'll get the next one.

And then there's that pool table.
And I thought that Mel Gibson was having a busy week.

It was a hot day today

Today was hot. I could sit here and give my thousand words about how hot it was today, but sometimes a picture really is worth a thousand words. So let me just say that it was hot today, and leave it at that.

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I went to a garage sale today.

I like garage sales. I go to them whenever I can. It all comes down to the age old expression about one man's trash. And I never like to pay full price for anything, so garage sales rule. I once bought a car at a garage sale. And in my neighborhood we have some good ones. There are people from secondhand stores who stock their entire store from garage sale items from my neighborhood.
Well, I went to a garage sale today and what did I find?

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Apparently there's a woman who is moving to San Antonio and she doesn't want to have to haul this thing off.
"But Daddy," said my daughter, "I don't know how to play pool table."
"It's OK," said I, "I'll teach you."

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"What about me?" said my son.
"Sure," said I, "Grab a stick. I can teach you, too."

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Parenthood. It's a dirty job, but somebody has to do it.

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

When a Stranger Calls

I woke up this morning to a knock at the door. When I answered the door, there was a man standing there. He said to me, "Hello, I saw that your grass is tall, and I saw the handicapped plates on your car, so I was just stopping in to see if there is a handicapped person here who can't mow their grass. I would mow it for you."

So I told him no thank you. I have someone who comes and mows my grass, but he hasn't been able to lately because of all of the rain. It's been raining every day.

So then the guy told me, "Well, if it's a handicapped person living here, I would mow it for FREE." Now I don't know about you, but free is my favorite price. But since it's my wife and not me that's handicapped, I told him that's ok, but I sure appreciate the gesture. And then he was on his way.

So when I closed the door, my son was standing there behind me. Now you know how if you want the truth, you ask a child...

In his innocent way, as if to say that the Emporer has no clothes, my son tells me, "You dumbass."

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