The best Christmas present.

Do you remember what you got for Christmas last year? I don't. But it was probably a sweater. Or some cologne. It might have been a shaver.
I'm not really big on getting Christmas presents. I guess that's why they say I am hard to shop for. It's not so much that I'm a Bah Humbug. I just don't really get into "stuff" so much.
Every year we go through the same thing. And every year I tell everyone the same thing. And every year everyone says how hard I am to shop for.
Here's a typical conversation:
Them: What do you want for Christmas?
Me: Just take the money that you were going to spend on me and use it to help someone out. Then write down what you did, put it in a Christmas card, and put it under the tree. Then I'll open it on Christmas morning when everyone else opens their gifts.
Them: No, really. What do you want?
Me: That's what I want.
Them: You're hard to shop for. Why don't you make a list or something to make it easier for people to get what you want.
Me: That's what I want.
Them: Do you need a sweater? Some cologne? A shaver?
Me: No.
Them: Well what do you want?
Me: That's what I want.
Them: How about a gift card? Where do you usually shop?
Me: I don't usually shop.
Them: Where do you buy your clothes?
Me: I don't usually buy clothes.
Them: Where was the last place you bought clothes?
Me: I've never bought clothes.
Them: Where did you get the clothes you are wearing?
Me: When I tell people that I still wear the same clothes from highschool, I'm talking about the same, actual clothes.
Them: So those blue jeans are twenty years old?
Me: Yes.
Them: So I'll buy you some clothes then.
Me: I have clothes.
Them: Then what do you want?
Me: That's what I want.

And every year I get a sweater. Or some cologne. Or a shaver.
But one year my mother did exactly what I said. She took the money that she was going to spend on me and went across the tracks and found a really poor family. She bought them a Christmas dinner. The whole works. All the way down to the bread rolls. Enough to feed an army. They had their whole family over and had a turkey dinner the likes of which they had never had before. They wrote a handwritten thank you note and gave it to my mother. It was really quite touching. It brought tears to my eyes, and I'm cold and cynical. So if anyone wants to get me anything, now you know what I want. That was the best Christmas present that anyone ever gave me.
And if you are feeling particularly brave this year, you might try telling your family and friends that that is what you want. But you might get a sweater. Or some cologne. Quite possibly a shaver.