Being Mean

Did you ever do anything mean? Something mean for no reason at all. Just to be mean.
Were you just being mean by ommision? Maybe you just didn't tell them that they had spinach in their teeth. I mean, you didn't put the spinach there, did you?
Or were you actively being mean? Maybe you just thought that the persons purse contents would look better all over the floor.
I did something mean one time.
I had to go in to work for a staff meeting on my day off that was supposed to last for thirty minutes. I was told that if I wanted to keep my job I had to attend.
But they only gave me two days notice. That's just not right.
I already had plans for the day, and I didn't want to change them.
So in the end, I wound up having to drive an hour to work in the rain to attend a thirty minute meeting. And then to keep me from having to drive an hour back home to pick up my family, I just brought them with me.
So they waited in the lobby while I went to my meeting (which was stupid, boring, and irrelevant after all).
After the meeting we went back and got in the car and started leaving.
At the same time, my boss had to go to another meeting with her boss. But it was in the other building across the street. The rain had let up, so they were walking across the street, and were waiting for the light to change so that they could cross.
As they were waiting, ALL of the big bosses showed up, too. There were about ten of them, all standing there waiting for the light to change. There was the CEO, all of the VP's, and right in front was my boss. All standing together on the side of the road, next to a great big, nasty, dirty, stinky puddle of mud, leaves, water, and whatever petroleum based products tend to wash up when it rains really hard.
Now please understand, I didn't put the puddle there. I didn't tell them to stand next to it. All I did was swerve the car a little bit. That, and hit the gas, spin the tires in it, and speed off.

Sometimes my wife gets mad at me. Sometimes she reaches over and smacks me and I have no idea why. I think maybe she enjoys doing that. This was one of those times.
All she said was, "mean" and then -smack-
I looked in my rearview and saw all of those dripping wet bosses back there trying to wipe the nasty off of their spiffy.
So I asked my wife, "what was that for?"
And she told me, "You know perfectly well what it was for"
So I said, "What did I do?"
And she said, "Mean" and smacked me again.

I think that was the meanest thing I ever did in my life.
It was probably the only mean thing I ever did, actually.
But in retrospect, if I could go back and change anything, I would have circled the block and hit them a second time. It was just that perfect.