What makes you happy?
Do you know what makes you happy? Most people say that they do. But most people are wrong. I see it almost every day. Someone will get bad news and the first thing that they do is to rush out and engage in a self-destructing behavior. Some people seek solice in a pint of ice cream. Others in a pint of beer. Some people rush to Target. Still others go out and pick a fight with someone.
But then they end up getting fat. Or drunk. Or broke. Or arrested.
People are confused.
Ice cream can make you feel content. It calms you down. But it doesn't make you happy. Especially if you are already struggling with your weight. If that's the case, it will tend you make you even less happy than you are in the long run.
The same goes for drinking.
And shopping. Shopping can be exciting. It gives you a sense of importance. Of control. YOU get to make the decisions. YOU get to choose what to buy. YOU get to decide what is good or not so good. It is empowering. It is exciting.
But excitement is not the same thing as happiness. Don't confuse them.
What about money? Does that make you happy?
I would agree that not having money can lend to unhappiness, but I don't see how more money will make you more happy. I have known a lot of very unhappy rich people.
I have also known a lot of very happy people who were dead broke.
I am a happy person. I was happy when I was poor. I was happy when I was rich. I am still happy now, and I am kind of middle. I am happy because I know what makes me happy.
I make me happy. I am happy because I choose to be happy. It's not the same thing as denial. I see the problems in my life, decide to be happy, and then attack the problems.
I enjoy the good times. I enjoy the bad times, too.
One time I cut off two of my fingers. As I was lying on the stretcher, about to go in for emergency surgery to stop the bleeding (and amputate the crushed parts, as it turned out) I was still happy. I even cracked some jokes along the way. When the doctor explained what he was going to do to my fingers and asked if I had any questions, I managed to ask him if I would be able to play piano. It's an old joke, I know. He said that I would be able to play the piano in ten weeks, to which I replied that I thought that was great, because I never could play it before.
That was me, choosing to be happy in a bad situation.
After surgery I also asked him how long it would be until I could pick my nose again.
I am a happy person. You can't make me unhappy, because my happiness comes from within. I choose to be happy. And I refuse to be unhappy.
In the end, it's a decision that you make. Don't let your happiness be base on your circumstances. Otherwise you'll always be up one day and down the next. You will be at the mercy of those around you. Your happiness will be superficial.
posted by jagular @ 5:06 PM
13 Comments:
Your writing is so remarkable. That post was like poetry.
Thank you so much. I so needed to hear that.
Once again, you've made a difference in someone's day! Not just me, apparently; the post before me was dead-on. I am generally a happy person, too, even with the massive debt load. I tend to believe that things work out for the best, I just can't see it while it's happening, but in my life, things have always worked out. I woke up early this morning (the trash guys came at 5:45 and decided to compact their trash right in front of my house), so I got up to read blogs before I got ready for work. Your blog is inspiring!!
I am happy with what I have, which doesn't mean I don't get sad. But even when I am sad, I know that it will pass. Some things are just out of my control, and the key for me is acceptance. Instead of lamenting about being sad, I tend to embrace it (not wallow in misery, big difference) and learn more about what makes me tick. Sometimes they are just life lessons that I never picked up the first time something similar happened...
Sometimes I get sad because I am sick when I don't want to be, I feel like I am missing out on life somedays. But I have an awesome husband who knows how much I hate being sick and stuck in bed and he makes it bearable, and the same with my mom. They can both convince me to to take it easy when I don't see the need for it myself. I can be extremely stubborn about not laying down, or calling the doctor and sometimes taking my medicines. My husband convinced me (and would not let it go) to call the Dr a few months ago after a new symptom/side effect that I told him about, which I didn't think was a big deal and could think of a better ways to spend the co-pay for the exploratory surgery. Turns out it he probably saved my life, the doctor was able to fix what he found while he was looking around.
I just try to do the next right thing and be grateful that we have the money to keep me healthy. We aren't rich, but we can live a pretty good life by managing our money well with a budget and planning. Some people have house payments or rent and but we spend $500-$1000 dollars a month on my co-pays for appts and prescriptions. But if we didn't, I wouldn't be here so good trade if you ask me! We even managed to donate to 5 good causes last week, it wasn't much but every little bit helps ya know? And we had to pay the tax man, but we plan for that year round and keep a seperate account for just that purpose.
What about clinical depression, bi-polar, manic depresssives, paranoid schizophrenia, and other mental health diseases?
I sure know how you feel, TTQ, because my wife is really sick, too.
She has a very rare disease called Friedreich's ataxia. It causes her to lose coordination and makes it where she can't control her muscles anymore. Then the muscles get weaker and weaker.
There's no treatment for it at all. I wish I had $500-$1000 dr bills for her, because that would mean that there was a treatment. Instead, there's nothing they can do, so she gets a little weaker every year and a little bit less able to get around.
She uses a wheelchair now, and it's even getting harder for her to get in and out of it. I even have to tie her shoes for her now.
Eventually, her muscles will get so weak that she will not be able to breath on her own, and then she will die.
Anyhow, yes, I know how you feel.
But happiness isn't really based upon your circumstances. It is based on your outlook.
I'll just have to enjoy the time that I DO HAVE with my wife instead of worrying about what time I don't have with her.
Everyone tells me that I really live my life to the fullest. Now you know why.
-jag
And about mental heath diseases, I am an RN, and I have worked a lot on the psychiatric unit of my hospital. It's one of the ten best in the whole country. So I have a pretty good understanding of all of the mental health diseases that you mentioned.
So yes, I really understand where you are coming from here.
-jag
Yes, there is a 5:45 a.m., but it made my day a little better waking up so early because I got to read everyone's blog before I left for work!! I am very sorry to hear about your wife; if something happened to my husband, I'm not sure how I'd go on. I would, but it wouldn't be good anymore.
I am happy to hear that you are happy!
I really appreciate what you've said here about happiness. One of the biggest things I've learned about my CC debt is that buying things does not make me a happier person. Happiness truly comes from within.
Another important lesson I've learned is that I can't contribute as much to people and places in need if I am in debt. I don't have to be "wealthy" (whatever that really means) to help people who are in need, but being in debt certainly makes it harder to help when I want to help... I want to be able to buy more food and clothing for people who need it. I want to have the time and means to go to the local ministry center to serve meals and be a neighbor instead of spending my life working extra hours to pay off my debt. Debt really eats away at our lives. I don't want to spend all my money on myself anymore. I want to help other people.
Thanks again, Jagular, for your generous call for assistance for Leigh Ann. I was able to send her a small gift that I hope will help her. Neighbors are meant to help neighbors; really, I've decided that's why we're here in the world. When life stops being all about the car we drive, the clothes we wear, and the coffee we drink, we can gain real perspective and purpose.
Well, one thing to keep in mind is that you will never have enough money to help everyone that you want to. I've done this sort of thing literally hundreds of times and as I said earlier, I've put out over twenty grand this year in helping people to better themselves, and there's still so much more that I could have done if I had the money.
After a while you get good at figuring out just how much you need to spend to get someone on their way to helping themself. That way all of your resources don't go to one person. And even if you just went in and bailed them out completely, they would most likely just end up in the same situation again in a couple of years if they didn't have to work at getting out of it. That's why I don't usually recommend to people that they refinance their house in order to clear their debts. Then they have a higher mortgage, but they continue to run up their credit cards and end up worse than they started. It's important for them to change their behavior, and when they do, the debt will eventually be gone.
But you are right, debt payments really do eat away at your ability to do everything you want to be able to do. But everyone can still do SOMETHING. Take a look at Leigh Ann's situation. Everyone helped out how much they could. To my knowledge, the highest anyone contributed was a hundred dollars, and the lowest was five dollars. Each person, according to what they are able. But I don't look more favorably on the people who gave the higher dollar amount. If someone can only afford five dollars, that's really cool that they would still help out. In fact, it's especially great, because you know that they are really giving from their hearts. What made this whole thing so special was that everyone helped out. It reminded me of at the end of the movie "a beautiful mind" where all of the faculty placed their pens on his table.
shopping makes me happy, but debt makes me unhappy.
it's a vicious cycle. :(
That is an excellent point, Jagular... I agree completely that I will never have enough to help everybody I'd like to help. It is encouraging to know that I'll be able to do more when I am out of debt. Take Leigh Ann, for instance... I wanted to send her some money the other day when I saw your blog, but I am not able to send money right now. Of all things, I had some grocery coupons that I thought she could use for some really good stuff (even ice cream!), so I sent those to her and told her to get herself some good things to eat.
We do what we can, and it might not seem like enough to us, but it might mean the world to someone else. Thanks again for supporting Leigh Ann, and for getting all of us together to help her out. I am excited to see her have the opportunity to begin anew.
What was really touching to me about the whole thing was that all of her friends stepped up to help. It was never really about the money. Realistically she could have gone and pawned some jewelry and gotten by, and then redeemed the jewelry next month when she had her regular income and no more debt payment.
But to see all of her friends come and in effect say to her "you matter to me" was really touching. I got the impression that that was what was special to her, too, although I won't presume to speak for her.
I added a link to your blog on my sidebar, in case you ever start one.
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